I am so sorry this is so late. I just found out about this and was kinda crushed to tell you the truth. I worked at Coralville Central and got to know Charlie. Charlie stood out to me right away as an elementary student who somehow had already figured out exactly who he was. That is so rare in someone that young. He was comfortable in his own skin and made everyone around him better. I found out because a co-worker here at Hills Bank where I have worked now for almost 2 years after leaving Coralville Central showed me an article her daughter, Zaria Ahmad, had written in the West Side Story. I was busy and I said I would read it. Being a journalism major myself as well as a sportswriter and feature writer I was eager to read her daughter's story. Then when I had time I read the headline Remembering Charlie Bates and saw his picture and I literally couldn't move. Charlie indeed was quite the talent. I remember him playing guitar and singing in the variety show at the end of the year at Coralville Central. People were just drawn to Charlie. My most heartfelt love goes out to you all. Charlie passed away on my parents' 48th anniversary and my Father passed away on that same anniversary date February 5th in 2004. Charlie is playing music know in heaven with the angels.

Where to begin? I suppose it must be to offer condolences for your loss. Of course, this is simply me trying to come up with something, anything, to convey that could help you in your time of grief. But I know, from personal experience, that there is really nothing I can contribute that is adequate to the loss. Back in 2002, my then-wife and I were expecting twins. Any fear of this immense challenge was easily overcome by the fact that all I ever wanted to be in life was a father. I had such plans for my kids. Then, in October, my wife went into premature labor, and had to be hospitalized, months ahead of the babies' due date. Despite the heroic efforts of the medical staff, my daughters, Paige & Julia, can one after another. It was far too soon for them to survive, and a couple of hours later, they died in my arms.

I know the grief that comes with losing children. I wish I didn't. It is, at once, an unfortunate common tie for those who have lost, yet utterly, horribly unique to each. It can feel very isolating, as the world somehow doesn't stop spinning, even as yours has. People will struggle to know what to say or do, and the words they offer may start to feel, well, hollow. I found it helpful to remember that they only want to help in some small way, as they, too, struggle to make any sense of things. They mean well.

For me, there was a time of numb autopilot, where I just somehow did the things required of me, even though I remember very little. I tried to settle in there, to hide, really. But that only lasts so long. Flood waters eventually find a way through the strongest of levees. When I resurfaced emotionally, I found the only way to move forward was to speak openly about the experience. I asked for patience in my inevitable moments of weakness, and attempts at normalcy from those around me, while I tried to cope, and maybe heal in some way. And they rose to that request. It was the guidance they needed, so that they could help me in the ways I needed. You see, everyone has something that cuts to the heart of them. If we only recognize this, we are often far kinder to one another, and the world is the better for it.

I wish I could tell you the pain of such a loss goes away. It does not. What can happen, though, is that the edges can become less sharp, so the pain is more manageable. It is within this reality that you will find your own way. I can only share my perspective, and hope it can help, if only in some small way. For me, I approach surviving my girls as a responsibility. They did not get the life I wished for them, so it is now my responsibility to live my life in a way that honors them, and as I would have wished for them. It isn’t fair, I know, but sometimes a parent is left to live life for their children. And I will not fail them in this. I travel more, so that they may see the world through my eyes. When I can help someone else, I feel them smile inside me. I tell those I love that I love them, and give (and accept) hugs to (and from) those in my life, feeling the warmth of my girls’ hearts in each instance. And I unashamedly talk to them often. I may not have gotten to be a father as long as I hoped, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t contribute in a positive way to those who pass through my life, just as I hoped to do for them.

At this moment, it might not seem like it, but life is a gift. A preciously rare and unlikely gift. And a strange one. But no matter how long we get, we can make a difference. That’s what I’ve chosen to do with my pain and loss. Each day, I try to find every opportunity I can to contribute in some way to a better day here, until one day, in due time, I get to be with my girls again. Until then, they are here with me, living and loving life.

I wish you peace in your journey, my friends. I have every faith that Charlie is still with each of you, and I hope you feel his presence in everything you do. In the end, you will all be together again, when the next adventure comes.

Hello, I want to extend my deepest sympathy to your family in the loss of your beloved Charlie. I was so moved by the reading of Charlie's life in the beautifully written obituary, that I felt the need to reach out to you to let you know that your love for Charlie came through so strong and significantly. There's no doubt that Charlie knew your love was real, strong and unconditional. God's love is perfect and unconditional and Charlie is enjoying this limitless love as never before...and is no doubt passing this very same love on to you. Just wanted you to know that you have people you don't even know who are thinking about you and praying for you. It's my hope that you find some comfort in that. The sharing of Charlie's life story through his obituary gave me a glimpse into the beauty of you as parent(s) and as a family. May God's healing touch find you and give you the grace you need to recover from Charlie's passing. Charlie's love for you is strong; he is loving you and praying with you and for you to help you heal. If you ever need to talk with someone, I am available and would consider it an honor. I have my Masters in Ministry from Creighton University and used to work as a dorm chaplain at the university. I am hospice trained and worked in bereavement follow-up with bereaved individuals. I work as a life coach, have lost two brothers and understand the pain of grief. Praying you are able to feel all the love from others and of course the grace of God's love. Mary Beth Helgens mbhelgens@thewellwoman.org 319-573-1330

We, Susan and Bruce Bates, are Charles Joseph Bates' grandparents, or "Gege and Bapa", as Charlie and our grand-daughter, Marcia Rose Bates, know us. We have known and loved Charlie tremendously since Charlie was born on that very foggy night in State College, PA, where we had popcorn and pizza for Thanksgiving dinner at the Nitanny Lion Inn, as Melissa gave birth, with our son, Michael's loving support. Charlie's life sparkled and shined for 15 years, while figuring out where Charlie's life was leading! We trust, and will believe forever, that Charlie is "making a joyful noise" in Heaven with our God, as we grieve the loss of our loved one and share our sorrow.

Melissa, Michael, Marcia and Mike…and all who loved Charlie,

Please accept my belated condolences on the tragic loss of this vibrant life and personality, so central to your family. I did not have the honor of knowing Charlie but he seemed to have a soul wiser than his years. At his age, I got my first Fender Stratocaster but he sounds to have been far more loving and welcoming to his peers than in my less wise days. Indeed, he would’ve made a hell of an adult. My heart weeps for you all.

David Kroll

I am so sorry for the tragic loss of Charlie. Please accept my condolences. I am so impressed with the humanity he showed in his advocacy and in the humanity I hear in TWIBH.

I am only an anonymous follower of Mike on Twitter but I wanted to share my condolences. I hope that some day soon, the good memories help balance the sadness.

To the Bates and Tomasson Family,

I'm very sorry to hear of your grievous loss. My thoughts will be with you and your family.

Sincerely,

Michael Pisano

I send my deepest condolences to Charlie's family. I enjoyed learning about their life and aspirations. As an APS member I wish you peace in this time of deepest sorrow. God bless you. Margarita Curras-Collazo

Dear Charlie's Family,

Though I haven't know your child for a long time, I still had the wonderful opportunity to make so many happy memories with them. During Halloween was the first time I officially got to hang out with them. They were dressed up as Marshal Lee from Adventure Time (I think) and it was super fun. A memory that I vividly remember is standing on a porch and waiting for the door to open. After I grabbed the candy I turned around and saw Charlie. I got so scared for no reason, and we found it so funny. There are so many memories that I could write down, but there simply just isn't enough space. I'm so grateful to have known Charlie and to be able to become friends with them. My family and I are always here for you.

- Anika Nguyen

Dear Melissa,

although we only met you during that summer you moved to Coralville, Tiago still remembers Charlie and the time they spent together at Spark fondly. Your words about Charlie are so beautiful and reminded us perfectly of him after so many years. Our hearts go out to you, your family and friends. Adela and Tiago

Dear Family of Charlie,

We are very sorry for your loss. Our prayers and hugs go to you all.

Charlie was a wonderful cast member of the Young Footliters plays where we got to know him. He was an amazing person, that as you mention, he was welcoming and a bright light to all who knew him.

We will cherish the memories we have of him and the fun he had being a wonderful actor. We wish we knew him better and in other settings but are blessed to have known him.

Bless you all,

Kelly Walsh

Summer Saylor

Dear Melissa, Michael and family:

Words fail to express my deep sorrow for your loss...Charlie will eternally remain in our memories as the energetic and fun little boy who was the soul of the party in MSN. We will much cherish his memory. Please accept our heartfelt condolences. Our thoughts are with you. Love you, all, Alex, Chris and Mihaela

Dear Michael and Melissa,

I am so sorry for your loss. Your tribute to Charlie is so beautiful and a wonderful celebration of his life. My thoughts and prayers are with your family during this difficult time.

Rebecca Dodd

Dear Melissa and Michael,

I am so sorry that you and your family are going through such a terrible loss. I met Charlie once at your home a few years ago and remember him as a very kind and thoughtful person. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Umar Farooq

I have so many memories of Charlie… When I close my eyes I can still see the energetic little boy that I had the pleasure of taking care of in daycare. As I’ve been reminiscing of the times I’ve had with him… one in particular comes to mind. I remember Charlie, Melissa and I ran in a race in WI… we still had a ways to go and I remember that little Charlie (at the time he was little) and I practically ran the whole race holding hands and playing a little game that took our minds off of running and the cold! At this moment the game escapes my memory but I can guarantee that it was lil Charlie who came up with it!

Love this memory so much ❤️

Dear Melissa, Michael and family,

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of Charlie. Please accept my heartfelt condolences. My thoughts are with you.

Sincerely, Gail Bishop

Having read his obituary, I should love to have met Charlie. He sounds like a fabulous person. So sad that I now never will.

Mike, your friends and family please accept my deepest condolences from across the pond.

Dr. Bates, we are so sorry to hear about your tragic loss. Our deepest condolences to you and your family. Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

Melissa, our collective hearts are heavy. I wish that this could lighten yours. Charlie clearly made an important impact on this world. If the time is ever right, I would love to hear more of Charlie's life.

We so enjoyed watching Charlie perform in the Young Footliters shows and more recently in the West High music performances. Charlie made a very positive impression on us and was obviously making wonderful things happen more generally in music and in school. The fund with the American Physiological Society seems such a fitting way for the legacy to live on of such a dynamic person. We are all so sorry for your loss.

Our deepest condolences for your loss. Charlie will forever live in our memory, playing the tuba as background music to SDNEAHH. All our love from Michael (Fluffy) and Kajsa Hultström.

Although I didnt get to know Charlie as he grew up, I've watch him grow up in your photos and comments. Some kids grow up and never really know the unconditional love of all the parents in their lives. I believe in my heart that Charlie knew of this love and he has taken it with him. May you find the comfort that you need now, days, weeks and years from now when you feel the pain of his loss. Watch for his signs of love from above and you will eventually smile again. My love to you all.

Sherry Adams

To Charlie's family: my deeply felt condolences. Charlie was a fabulous unique young man that I wish I had met in person. Love to you all.

Geoff Cohen

Dear Melissa and your entire family,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Charlie. May you hold all of the memories close to your heart. He will have lots of angels waiting in heaven with hugs.

I love you and am praying for peace for everyone.

Love,

Allison Bale

Dear Melissa, Michael (both!), and Marcia Rose, please know that I'm thinking of you and holding you in my heart as you bear this terrible weight. I didn't know Charlie but the obituary really brought him to life for me. What an amazing young person, so interesting and talented and lucky to have been born into and joined your family. With much love, Naomi

To the Bates Family

I’m so sorry to hear of Charlie’s death so young.

My heart aches for your whole family, as I too know

the pain you are going through… it’s hard to understand

why we lose someone so young, our own children.

Know that they are with God and they live free in his

kingdom from all hurt, pain, and in everlasting glory..

My prayers are with you each and every day…

Stay Strong in faith..

Love Adrienne Peppin

Charlito forever and ever. Sending endless love to Melissa, Mike, Marcia Rose, and your families. I'm so sorry. Love, Natalya

I am so sorry for your loss. I didn't really know Charlie, but we crossed paths because of Young Footliters. My son was in Aladdin with him, and I volunteered in the green room and at the cast party. Even though there was quite a large cast, Charlie stood out. He seemed to always have a smile on his face and a kind word for his peers, especially the little ones. We love Young Footliters and will gladly (and sadly) donate to Charlie's memorial scholarship fund.

I met Charlie when he was about 2 years old. He would run and play with Alexandra and Mitch. He was such a special little boy, filled with love, light and happiness. Then I saw him again at Lisa and Shannons wedding..again there was the mischievous side of him. Charlie will be missed by so many people but mostly by his parents and Marsha. To the parents I say, cherish every memory, every thought and every snuggle he ever gave you. To Marsha I say, remember the good times..the times he read to you, the times he spoke to you and about you with love. My condolences to all who shared in this wonderful beam of lights life.

Charlie, may the longtime sun shine upon you, all love surround you and the Pure Light within you guide your way Home. Holding you in the Light. Your life Shines on all of us and we will carry it on for you and with you, BJ Matson, longtime supporter of LGBTQIA and the support of UAY for countless young people who are proud of being Unique and Beloved

There should not be a Charlie-shaped hole in the world, and yet... I am so very sorry for your loss. Strength and grace to you all, Melissa, Marcia, Michael.

I was shocked to read of charlies passing. He Loved the theater!, he was an artist, when he played a part he put everything into it whole heartily. He will be very well missed. my condolences to all.

My heart is aching for you all in the wake of this tragic loss. Charlie was such an amazing person - goofy and smart and sweet. And his cocktail mixing skills were incredible. Nothing can fill the hole created by his loss, but I hope that you find some comfort in remembering him and all his shenanigans. <3 <3

Mike - I'm so so sorry for your loss! I never met Charlie, but I know he was your world. Feel my "mother arms" around you as you work through this most difficult time. Dennis and I are holding you in our thoughts with love. ...colleen

Melissa, Michael, Marcia - My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing.