Obituary of Salem Hand

With heavy hearts we announce the passing of our beloved Salem Hand, who transcended this world on February 14, 2022. Born August 31, 1997 to parents Peter Hand and Roben (currently) Schmidt in Conifer, Colorado, Salem was Assigned Male at Birth (AMAB) and was given the name Wesley Jacob. She completed the family of five, which included her older siblings, brother, Ian, and sister, Lindsay. The family moved eight months later to a larger home in the mountain forest in Evergreen, CO, where they enjoyed frequent sightings of elk, foxes, and even a black bear and her cubs. It was here that Salem’s love for nature was first experienced. She was a precocious, happy child homeschooling alongside Lindsay from her first days, while displaying her uncanny abilities to express herself creatively in words, exploring artistic medians of all sorts, singing and dancing with her sister, and making everyone laugh with her constant surprises. At the same time, it was obvious from a very early age that she had a lot going on that she didn’t share. The family moved to Oklahoma to be near extended family when she was 3 years old, and it was there that she began exploring art more formally with her grandmother, Mona Gilstrap. She received three first place awards at the local fair for her artwork at the age of 6. In 2002 her uncle Grady sustained severe injuries and brain trauma in a motorcycle accident which proved impossible to manage in Oklahoma, so the family uprooted and moved to Phoenix Arizona in 2004 to provide better care of him. Soon after, she and her sister were enrolled in a charter school. The classroom did not always easily align with Salem’s free spirit and intellectual gifts. In third grade, Salem had three hopes for her life: “Someday I hope to be an artist, Someday I hope I will still know my friends, Someday I hope for world peace”. Several schools were tried, and she was most happy in Montessori education. In 2009 she received her Black Belt, First Degree in Taekwondo. But as she approached adolescence, she became more withdrawn from family and friends. She was tiny for her age, and received merciless teasing from classmates. By eighth grade she had built walls that seemed impossible to penetrate despite sincere (if uninformed) attempts by parents and professionals, which usually backfired. The efforts she made in school became forced but remarkably, in spite of a growing depression, she had many accomplishments and continued to develop her talents, especially in art and music. In 2014, she received the Air Force ROTC Order of Daedalians Medal representing outstanding citizenship and excellence in academics as well as the Thinking Science Award from Sunnyslope High School. By the time she changed high schools in order to attend an early college program in her junior year, she had accumulated over 100 hours in community service. She graduated Paradise Valley High School in 2016 with an Academic Excellence Award, Arizona State University Dean’s Scholarship and Scottsdale Community College Honors Scholarship. Yet it seemed that none of these achievements had much meaning for her, and she struggled with what seemed to be intractable depression for several years, creating obstacles in every aspect of life. She was deeply concerned about social justice, the environment and inequities, but seemingly felt angry and powerless to do anything about it. Although she remained deeply private, through therapeutic pursuits she eventually came to accept and understand more about herself, and little by little shared monumental self-discoveries. Chief among those discoveries was the distress she felt due to a mismatch between her personal sense of their own gender in which she identified as female, and her sex assigned at birth. She began her transition to female in 2019. During that last year of her life, her relationships with family began to slowly heal and her acts of kindness and communication increased. She found the courage to accept an invitation to a music festival in Minnesota where she met new accepting friends - and her spirit soared. After taking a second two week visit she was invited to live in the home of her new friends, near Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Among her new chosen family she found safety, love and acceptance. She seemed to blossom in a way that connected to the child we knew - fun, enthusiastic and always creative. In Iowa, she was excited about her art again, and sent text messages with pictures of the dipped candles she had made with her friends, and her brilliant new sketches. The night before her soul winged its flight from the cage of this earthly life, she and her housemates were enthusiastically planning the Spring garden and other projects. Salem was predeceased by paternal grandfather Robert A. Hand and grandmother Jeanie Clarke, paternal uncle Robert Hand, Jr., maternal grandfather M. Doyle Gilstrap and maternal uncle Grady Gilstrap. She is survived by her grandmother, Ramona Gilstrap, parents Peter Hand and Roben Schmidt, brother Ian Boggs, sister Lindsay Smith and a host of family and friends. Salem’s passing creates opportunities for those who love her to make an impact on her behalf, perhaps starting with reflecting on some questions such as: How do we learn to open our hearts to every soul and put aside our judgements? How do we build communities in which every soul can know they are loved and safe? How do we glean the lessons that Salem taught us to make the world a safe and peaceful place? Many of her family members and friends have decided to work harder for these aims…and dedicate our work to Salem. In lieu of flowers, the family encourages donations on Salem’s behalf to an organization of your choice. If you would like to support transgender persons, consider: aztypo.org transfamilysos.org standwithtrans.org